BOMA-TT created a marriage quiz. In our August 11 column we presented the first seven questions and answers. Here are six more of the 20 questions and answers.
8 It is okay to try to change your spouse—False: Trying to change your spouse, or making drastic changes for your spouse could be a sign of abuse1. You can’t change anyone; they must change themselves. You can influence change by good example or talking to them, but you cannot ‘change them’. When two persons try to search for the truth of the matter together, that search and the findings could change the lives of each one of them.
9 Giving in to your spouse during arguments is not a good way to resolve conflicts—True: It is very important to openly discuss problems, so fair solutions agreeable to both persons can be created1. This involves active listening and being able to express negative thoughts in a constructive way using assertive communication not aggressive communication (name-calling, rolling eyes, silent treatment, blaming, physical abuse, emotional abuse). The ‘Joy-Filled Marriage’ preparation programme proposes five rules for resolving conflict including Commitment (starting every discussion calmly and lovingly), Balance and Self-Restraint (being aware of one’s own emotions), Fairness and Charity (assume positive intentions, not the worse ones), Good Discernment (listen closely, acknowledge feelings and discern the ‘real’ issue), Forgive in Love (genuinely forgive one another then find solutions that bring you both together).