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October 28, 2017

Shuffling the guilt of divorce

I returned to Trinidad in 2003 and conducted my marriage in cyberspace. Virtual reality was the only reality for my wilting marriage then. Alas! No technology can save a relationship which had ceased to grow. Such a relationship inevitably dies.

In 2006, divorce devastated me. Although I had initiated the proceedings, throughout, I felt as if someone had beaten me with a bat. My memory took the first blow. During counselling, when asked what I liked to do, I began to stutter. I could not explain that I could not remember! I had been so consumed in my ex-husband’s world, attached to his friends, family, traditions, country – I simply could not remember my own dreams, the passions I held.

My self-esteem took a second blow. I isolated myself. Daily, I played Solitaire and shuffled guilt through that deck of cards. I quailed in the presence of couples. Childless, I fumbled in the presence of children.

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